Pleh

The last time I pulled an all nighter, it was definately with the aid of -ahem- substance.

This one was different. The 'substance' was school: and on the one hand, it's nice to hear the birds in the morning, and staying up until sunrise always feels like more of an accomplishment than sleeping through those hours between 4:30 and 5 when it's slowly getting light.

on the other hand, there are those wierd disoriented hours between 6 and, say 2, when sleeping to catch up is strange and hot and filled with scary bizarre dreams.

It would be one thing if now that I've stayed up all night to finish, I could say that I was done. But, oh, I so can not. Not for weeks. It feels like we (my classmates and I, and that includes Vigilante, for those of you not In The Know) are going through this "thing" this epic stretch of...well, what IS it even, really. Sholarship? Really? Is this Scholarship?

Here are my current pet peeves:
1) Only being able to say to people that I'm busy with school, which sounds so lame, and doesn't cover how it really feels.

2) Missing friends outside of school

3) People who look at me and say "ooh, leaving everything to the last minute, eh?" To which I want to reply by scratching them, or pinching Very Hard.

4) People who say: Well, it's just like real life.
Like fun it is.
Does real life look like this to anyone (sorry, Dad, I know you already heard this rant)?
5 totally different projects, on 5 different topics that are totally unrelated, with 5 different groups of people with whom you have to maintain 5 different sets of relationships, for virtually 5 diferent clients/professors (at least) all with different sets of expectations. Let's also point out that in none of these groups is there anyone that looks like a boss, a project manager, a tech guru or organizational hierarchy that might help making Decisions... and that in none of these projects is there anything that RESEMBLES a protocal for methodology, report content or formatting, communicating with each other, writing style, or disciplining errant teammates who fuck up and make your life infinately harder. If you have managed to work out these protocals for some of the groups, they are all different from each other. With deadlines all at the same time.

If real life ever looks like that to you, I'd like to know about it, now. But I feel like I've lived some "real life." It didn't look like that. I looked back in my journal just to check. And it didn't. So that's not real life. It's school. And this is the part of school that Sucks.

pleh. now it sounds like I'm whining. Not. I'm just venting. There's a difference.

5) Liking the subject matter of all my projects A LOT! But not being able to feel like I'm really delving into any of them.

6) Liking (most) of my team mates a whole ton, but feeling like I'm exposing my sharper edges to people that I have come to love and respect and will be working with possibly for years.


On the other hand, sometimes it gets really really funny. The other night, working on stuff with my team mates (for the Together Not Evil project), I laughed harder than I had in a long time, until my belly hurt. It gets stupid and funny in that late night computer lab yoohoo string cheeses starbursts this mouse isn't working squeek kind of way.

So, if you want to risk coming near me, keep calling me and pestering me. I need surfacing for air breaks. And this does end. I think like somewhere around June 5 it will be Totally Done (for the summer). And I will be knocking down your doors, people, pestering you to get out of the house with me, walk with me, go to toys in babeland with me, see movies with me and bake pies with me. So get ready. I'm gonna be a big old pest this summer.

Love you, learning something (i think)

Two Shoes